49 days: please remember me
29 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
when i woke up, it’s another day already. i wish time could run more slowly. many times i want to explain to you that i’m afraid that we couldn’t be together so plz remember me. but i think you would scold me if i tell you that. so i just keep it in my heart and cry when each day passes. i want to do everything for you before i leave. i want to give you some gifts so that you won’t forget me later. but why don’t you want to receive them? you made me very sad.
you know what, i always feel that ur ex is better than me. she’s close to ur sister n ur family, understand u more. i know nothing about u, n ur family. sometimes i want to help u, want u to share with me ur matters in life but i don’t know how. i think u still love her very much right? i hope u will be happy with her after i leave here. bcoz i love you so much, i always wish that u could live happily. i love her smile, i believe that she would bring happiness to ur life. it breaks my heart but it’s ok as long as u r happy.
there are only 49 days left, i want to see you smile each day, want to hear your voice each day, want to hold your hand, hug and kiss you each time we say goodnight 
yesterday was my ex’s b-day, he wanted to hear hpbd from me, so i said. i never forget anything about him, just want to hide it in my heart forever. and i won’t ever forget you too. having you in my life is a gift from god that i had never dreamed that i would. i really wish i could be with you until the end since the thought that i would have to leave you is hurting my heart each day.
51 days left
28 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
my sickness is over already.
thanks to my beloved boyfriend, he took me to clinic. thanks to him, he held my hand when i had fever. sorry to him a bit cos i fought with him
thanks to diya who made porridge for me everyday
thanks to diya and her fiance for giving me a driving to ipoh to find presents for Herman’s birthday
but i think that i won’t go anywhere without him anymore, cos each time going out without him, i don’t feel it’s fun or happy anymore because i keep thinking of him and feel sad cos he can’t be there having fun with me 
today i myself wrapped his gift, and then made a greeting card for him – not very nice, but that’s all the best i could have done
another day passed by, and i cry each time thinking of the day i have to leave here, leave him
23-Mar-2011: i want to hold your hand :(
23 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
this morning i have sorethroat, felt a bit dizzy and headache
so after lunch, i went to bed, i think because i have sorethroat bcoz yesterday i talked too much in my presentation, headache bcoz of stress and lack of sleep.
i spent whole afternoon for sleeping but when i wake up, i don’t feel better at all. i used thermometer to check body temperature: 38.5 . but i think tomorrow the sickness will be over. at times like this, i miss home so much, i miss my mom who always holds my hand when i am sick.
today i went to irc, but i dont find any thesis in 2005 related to my project at all. so in the end, it’s clueless. tomorrow i have to go and see my sup about my fyp again, hope that we’ll find something helpful. i also will have a corporate ethics test in the afternoon. now i want to hold his hands, it will make me happier love you
22-Mar-2011
22 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
I finished my scary SBE presentation, and KMD test. I thought it would be very terrible because i couldn’t concentrate to study for the test and the presentation.
My FYP is still stuck, but sis Huyen suggested me to find Ali for help. she said he may help me. but he couldn’t because he went back to his home country already huhu my beloved tutor huhu ( at least he gave me a hint to look for 1 senior’s dissertation who did the similar project before. tomorrow i’ll look for his project in IRC
This afternoon, i realized that there’s an IPM assignment given before midsem break and we have to submit next week. so lucky Hadijah asked her group mates for me join the group. If not, i’m dead T_T
Diya forgot some memories in the past. it’s a side effect of Kimo therapy. she often asked me how we met each other, and about something before my internship. sometimes i tell her to do smth, she can’t remember it after 1 min. but i tell her that, i have a good memory, i’ll be the one who can always remind her about the moments we had again and again, and i’m happy to do that. this year, she might get married, i think it’s good for her to have someone take care of her
About my beloved H, today i still keep sending him message. But it seems he’s still angry. I really wanted him to say smth to me before my presentation and test but he kept silent. I know i’m the one who was wrong, the one who made him angry. But i’m still sad, very sad… cry again ;(
Suddenly this afternoon, I remember a poem which tells exactly what i feel about him:
when i first saw you
i was afraid to meet you
when i first met you
i was afraid to kiss you
when i first kissed you
i was afraid to love you
but now that i love you
i’m afraid to lose you
i do really love you honey. sweet dream muackzzzzzzz
21-mar-2011
21 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
yesterday was my brother’s engagement day. but my mind was too busy to think of him so i forgot. i don’t know how long i have cried. i nested in my blanket and cried. diya said “why do you cry alone? you can share with me”. i kept telling myself to get up, because there’re lots of work waiting for me. i got out of bed at midnight, to take a bath then go back to study. i still cried, i didn’t know what i had written anymore, kept looking at the notes and wrote
this morning, when i woke up, i saw a message ‘breakfast later’ he texted me. i was so happy. he sent at 4 something. and it was 8.15 when i got up, it was quite late. his breakfast is at 8. he didn’t answer when i asked about breakfast. he didn’t answer when i asked him about lunch either. he ignored me. what did i do again that makes him ignore me? i cried during the afternoon, but in the evening, he replied my chat. it’s a relief though he doesn’t want to have dinner with me i’ll try harder until your heart is molten because of me again :”>
another rainy day, why doesn’t it stop raining? i want to see a sunny sky. cos each time it rains like this, i remember how he hold me walking in the rain.
20-Mar-2011
20 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
“i’m done with you”, “sorry we r over”, you said
from that time i dont say anything, don’t feel anything anymore. i found a corner in the room, sitting there, tried to close my eyes.
why this still happens though i tried not to do anything to ruin our relationship? i keep sending you sms to beg you to change your mind. i have only 57 days left. it’s ok if you don’t want to go to italy anymore. but please answer me, please give me a reason to go back here because i love you and really want to be with you.
there’re tests, fyp… waiting for me. but you are much more important than that and now i can’t do my work because you don’t want to have me as your girlfriend anymore. i’ve lost my mind
TF-mart
19 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
after Personal Finance test, i went to sleep. when I woke up, I thought it was 7pm already, and another day ended. But it’s only 5pm 
diya asked me what i was doing. i answered her that i was blogging. then she said “are you sad? because of your beloved bf again?”
we didn’t know where to have dinner, diya said she felt bored, want to have home-cooked food. it was 8 something at that time. then i said, we can go to TF mart in batu gajah. it must be another crazy story we asked a friend of mine to give us a drive. we reached TF at 9, and it would close at 10. it means we had only 1 hour to do shopping. but we were very happy. diya said i looked so happy when i was there hehe. we bought broccoli, cauliflower, fish, prawn, etc. so many. we went back at 11, started cooking, and had dinsup (dinner + supper) at 12am.
it’s less than 1 month left. after that, i would miss you more more than this i still don’t know what i should do
18-Mar-2011
18 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
Do you know I’m missing you?
Those days I’ve been very busy: my FYP problem, tests, assignments.
But I’ve always kept thinking of you. I feel so guilty, I shouldn’t have loved you so that I won’t hurt you this much, keep making you angry. I want to see you but I don’t know what to say to you as I feel so bad right now.
I want to bring happiness to you, but each time seeing you angry, I feel how useless I am. You were angry but I’m hurt, I don’t know how to make you happy and not angry?
you have msn, and yahoo account, everyone knows that. but why do you lie to me that you don’t have? do you find it fun when you keep building our love based on your lies?
You remember the plants we bought from Cameron Highland. They aren’t watered regularly now. I don’t forget that I should water them everyday. I treat them as our love. Now I feel scared when I look at our love because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared that if I do anything, maybe I would destroy it. Can’t I do anything but watch it dying?
I want to call you, want to sms you to ask whether you are ok but I’m afraid you’ll get angry again or try to take revenge on me… Do you call that LOVE? *cry*
i miss you
11 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
it’s a raining day,
sitting in my room, looking at the rain outside the window, and i miss our first date in cameron highland.
i don’t know how many times i’ve sung ‘stay the same’ today. you don’t know that song right? i sing and cry. i miss you, miss you so much
you are the pain that i won’t give up
complicated
11 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
our relationship was ruined already. there’s no way to mend it.
i feel so terrible when he keeps finding me like this
i want to be who i am but i want to be with him too. i miss my cheerful smiles, but i miss my fatty bear too. what i have to do?
